The Secret of Restoring Intimacy After Infidelity

intimacy after infidelity

Intimacy After Infidelity

Just as infidelity in marriage is about so much more than sex, so is intimacy. 

When a couple is able to put God first and work together to rebuild their marriage for God’s glory, the healing can begin.

“If someone says, “I love God,” and hates his brother, he is a liar; for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen, how can he love God whom he has not seen? And this commandment we have from Him: that he who loves God must love his brother also.
1 John 4:20-21

If the cheating spouse has truly repented and both spouses are ready to focus on healing after an affair, there are foundational principles in the Bible to help guide their path.

Intimacy in marriage is something “in” people that is worked “out” as expressions of love. So a quick study of Biblical love will point out God’s plan for sex.

“Let us not love in word or in tongue, but in deed and in truth.”
1 John 3:18

Most intimacy problems do not involve sex in marriage, they involve self-centeredness.

The first step toward infidelity is a lack of gratitude. A person selfishly focuses on their own desires without recognizing how much God has already given him.

So, first of all, trust is gradually restored as the cheating spouse seeks opportunities to act selflessly. This must take place in and out of the marriage bed.

“Love does not seek its own.”
1 Corinthians 13:5

The unfaithful spouse must be patient and acknowledge that his spouse’s reservations are justified. It will require hard work, but above all, it requires time and compassion.

“Love is patient.”
1 Corinthians 13:4

There can be no sense of “forcing” the relationship. The cheating spouse should recognize it was his sin that caused his spouse to not trust him. His goal is to restore trust by removing doubts. He should be open and willing to prove his whereabouts as a form of accountability.

“There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear.”
1 John 4:18

As the offending spouse continues to humbly love and serve his betrayed spouse, trust is restored and both spouses can begin to be vulnerable again.

This is probably the biggest obstacle to overcome but once achieved, the husband and wife can experience a passionate intimacy far beyond their expectations.

Intimacy after betrayal is usually stronger than it was before the adultery took place.

Once a marriage has been fought for so zealously,
intimacy will intensify in power, permanence and passion. 

Set me as a seal upon your heart,
As a seal upon your arm;
For love is as strong as death,
Jealousy as cruel as the grave;
Its flames are flames of fire,
A most vehement flame.
Song of Solomon 8:6

 In what ways can you love and serve your mate this week to make your relationship stronger?  Leave a comment below.

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About Jennifer Wilson

Jenny Wilson is passionately devoted to guiding broken-hearted victims of betrayal to true and lasting forgiveness and meaningful reconciliation. She helps Christian wives overcome negative spiritual and emotional effects of infidelity so they can walk in truth and go beyond coping to victorious living.

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