In pornography addictions, blame shifting is a common thread.
Very often, guilty people blame their sin on somebody else. If your spouse says you weren’t loving enough or that work is too stressful, or the devil made him do it, or whatever, tell him baloney!
Your marriage may have lost the sizzle. Life is plagued with stress. The enemy will tempt everyone! But these issues should cause a husband or wife to try harder, to talk about what’s wrong and make adjustments, seek counseling, or whatever is necessary to keep the marriage alive and healthy.
Whenever a person attempts to dump their guilt onto another person, they are refusing to take responsibility for their own actions.
Blame shifting in relationships not only prevents healing, it also escalates the problems.
In the case of pornography addictions, excuses and blame are just one way of justifying wrong behavior. Unfortunately, self-deceit is so powerful that people can actually believe the lies they are telling.
But that doesn’t mean you should accept them as truth. The spouse of a porn addict should be on guard against these types of behavior.
Sadly, many women accept the blame for their husband’s behavior. He may say she didn’t meet his needs and she will believe that and suffer false guilt. In an attempt to appease the addict, this might lead her to engage in behaviors that are wrong and unhealthy.
Never, never, never, in any relationship, allow another person to blame you for their sin!
Always, always, always, take responsibility for YOUR actions. If you sinned, confess and seek forgiveness.
You cannot cause another person to sin. But your responses to another person’s sins are your responsibility and God will hold you accountable for them.
Absolutely do not permit yourself to feel guilty for your husband’s sin. A marriage relationship is based on two people putting forth effort and no matter how much you may love somebody, you cannot control them. You also cannot allow them to control you.
Ultimately, sexual sin creates a barrier between a man and God. This is the gravest part of the situation.
Find ways to speak truth into your husband’s life without allowing his blame shifting or excuses to derail you.