Although you’ve been deceived and betrayed, you don’t have to wait for repentance to show mercy to the pornography addicted spouse.
You can express a ‘willingness’ to forgive. This is the hardest, yet most important step. And this is more for your sake, than for the offender’s.
Forgiveness is not saying that what your mate did was okay. There’s nothing okay about it. Any type of infidelity is an act of sedition to the marriage. It’s a civil crime in many places.
Instead, you are going to accept that this person is a sinful human, but you are going to treat him with respect, regardless of how he treats you.
Even if your spouse tries to blame you and does not accept responsibility for his sin, you should continue to remind him that his sin is destroying his fellowship with God, as well as with you.
Each time you point out that his sin is the issue, it is possible to point to the solution, Jesus Christ. Until he comes to that conclusion, he will remain in bondage.
When Jesus heard it, He said to them, “Those who are well have no need of a physician, but those who are sick. I did not come to call the righteous, but sinners, to repentance.”
– Mark 2:17 –
You cannot force your husband to turn (or return) to Christ.
But YOU must turn to Christ – again, and again and again.
You need to keep your own heart focused on the solution, more so than the problem.
You know that his sexual sin is the problem. But if you’re not careful, that awareness can become an obstacle for YOU.
If you focus solely on the sin, you will tend to focus on how the sin affects YOU.
You are hurting, confused and angry. And if you allow your emotions to rule your thoughts, resentment will build up and you may forget just how much YOU need a Savior.
Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice. And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave YOU.
– Ephesians 4: 31-32 –
- Self-righteousness is the source of bitterness.
- Bitterness will choke the life out of YOU.
Accept the fact that you have been sinned against and determine if you can be reconciled or not. Either way, forgiveness will be necessary in order for YOU to move forward in your life
Bitterness is a poison. One that YOU drink every day, hoping that it will kill your offender instead of yourself. Who do you think will die?
Live your life God’s way and for His glory. Then YOU can have fellowship with the Father and with His Son Jesus Christ and your joy will be full.
Humble yourselves in the sight of the Lord, and He will lift YOU up.
– James 4:10 –