Confessions Of A Porn Addict – A Taste Of Pleasure

pornography addiction

Stages of Pornography Addiction

No one ever thinks they will get hooked on pornography. You don’t wake up and think, “Hey, I think I’ll see what porn is like.”

The path to pornography addiction starts with small steps away from truth and into deception.

The slide into what many think is a harmless pastime, starts with small steps of deceit and sensual gratification in various forms.

  • For some, it may start with an innocent curiosity in early puberty when hormones are out of control.
  • Some teens are drawn to it because of peer pressure from their buddies who see it as cool or no big deal.
  • Then there are those sad cases of people molested in their youth and “indoctrinated” into areas of perversion.

The undercurrents of curiosity awakened early in my life. At a young age, I was teasing girls in my neighborhood with the offer of, “I’ll show you mine if you show me yours.”

I played doctor, which included undressing and actual touching, to discover the differences between boys and girls up close and personal.

I was molested by my oldest brother just prior to starting puberty.  At the time, I felt disgust and shame.

Later, as hormones burst out of control in puberty, the rush of even hugging a young woman, dancing with one, or holding hands, would send thrills through a body not trained to hold back.

The “old days” of playing doctor gave way to all kinds of sexual stimulation and consummation.

Eventually my seductions brought me to the place of “getting even” with my brother by convincing his girlfriend to engage in all kinds of sexual activity with me when he was out of town.

Thus began the sordid downfall into all kinds of sexual perversion and exploration.

Pornography was simply one more tool to use. For the “All-American” male, Playboy and pornographic magazines were used in rites of passage and not many people looked down upon them as much as they used to.

Of course the popular attitudes of culture impacted my thinking. I felt justified, thinking it was normal and right to explore my sexual urges. I never thought I had a sexual addiction.

There is a pervasive thought that pornography, and especially Internet porn, is harmless.  It is only you partaking and therefore does not hurt anyone. Many imply that it is actually healthy.

Obviously, I had lived long in thinking that my “needs” were most important and that I had to take care of them, especially when I felt a partner may not want to.

Continual justification of myself and thinking of only what I wanted actually distanced me further from those I claimed to love and want love from.  

This article was written by my husband and is just one in a series.
I pray spouses will understand that a mate’s use of pornography is not a personal rejection of them.
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About Jennifer Wilson

Jenny Wilson is passionately devoted to guiding broken-hearted victims of betrayal to true and lasting forgiveness and meaningful reconciliation. She helps Christian wives overcome negative spiritual and emotional effects of infidelity so they can walk in truth and go beyond coping to victorious living.

Comments

  1. Jennifer,

    Very interesting post! I never thought about it all like that.

    • Jennifer Wilson says:

      Hi Kathryn.

      We all have our skeletons in the closet, but some do more damage than others.

  2. Great blog, love the honesty and openness, an issue that is all to often swept under the carpet and leads to bigger issues.

    • Jennifer Wilson says:

      Hi Mike.

      I’m afraid our society still pretends this isn’t a problem or is too ashamed to admit it. The statistics about porn-use are frightening. Makes me wonder if our children and grandchildren will be able to have “real” relationships in this “cyber” world.

  3. Wow, excellent post. I like that your husband is actively involved with your blog and sharing his thoughts and experience. Definitely an interesting read. Thank you!

    • Jennifer Wilson says:

      Thank you, Pebbles, for your feedback.

      We hope our story will help others realize they are not alone and that relationships can be saved!

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