People are always looking for something new. As for ‘sexy,’ well, that’s a very subjective term, but most of us are guilty of seeking it – whatever it might be.
In the quest for finding something new and sexy, the ordinary is overlooked in the old becomes obsolete.
Or does it?
It’s foolish to think the latest book on erotica or expensive silk sheets will bring new heights of intimacy. Humans tend to seek new varieties when the tried-and-true is all they really need.
Some people think they must be missing something because they are bored.
Others are covetous and looking for greener pastures.
Both are guilty of discontent but overlook the obvious in their search for fulfillment.
Intimacy is not about how many sex positions you can manage or how often you “do it” or where. Intimacy is “awareness.” It is “knowing” a person’s innermost secrets, feelings and desires. It is a very personal and familiar knowledge of someone.
“Being aware of the unique way that God creates each individual differently, creates an atmosphere for each person to be comfortable in their own skin.”
So, to build intimacy, you must be comfortable with yourself as well as your mate. The foundation for this is trust. When a person is dear to you, you spend time with them and cherish them. You share many conversations and experiences together. Trust is earned over time, but can be destroyed in a moment.
Honesty builds trust and requires vulnerability. If you can’t be yourself with the person you spend the most time with, you lose sight of who you really are become a “people-pleaser.”
When you try to be somebody you are not in order to please somebody else, you will not gain their trust, but lose it. They can see through the charade and recognize your pretense and they will not be willing to be open and vulnerable to you.
Nobody wants to play games, yet that’s what many couples are doing. Rather than taking time to listen with the intent of understanding, some only listen with the intent of fixing their spouse or persuading them to conform to an unspoken standard.
You must not expect your mate to read your mind but just tell them how you honestly feel. You have to take responsibility for your own emotions and not blame your negative feelings on others.
And you then must do the same and give you spouse permission to be honest. When you stop expecting your mate to be somebody they are not and loving them just for the person they already are, you learn the art of considering others’ needs above your own. When each of you is seeking the others’ well-being, both of your needs will be met.
When you begin to acknowledge your differences as a benefit, rather than an obstacle to overcome, you begin to thrive in a unified way and are stronger and better for it.
That is the goal of intimacy and the tried and true means are: (Oh, wait, I mean…the new and sexy ways are:)
AWARENESS
TRUST
VULNERABILITY
