Three New and Sexy Ways to Cultivate Intimacy


Cultivate IntimacyPeople are always looking for something new.  As for ‘sexy,’ well, that’s a very subjective term, but most of us are guilty of seeking it – whatever it might be.

In the quest for finding something new and sexy, the ordinary is overlooked in the old becomes obsolete.

Or does it?

It’s foolish to think the latest book on erotica or expensive silk sheets will bring new heights of intimacy.  Humans tend to seek new varieties when the tried-and-true is all they really need. 

Some people think they must be missing something because they are bored.

Others are covetous and looking for greener pastures.

Both are guilty of discontent but overlook the obvious in their search for fulfillment.

Intimacy is not about how many sex positions you can manage or how often you “do it” or where.  Intimacy is “awareness.”  It is “knowing” a person’s innermost secrets, feelings and desires.  It is a very personal and familiar knowledge of someone.

“Being aware of the unique way that God creates each individual differently, creates an atmosphere for each person to be comfortable in their own skin.”

So, to build intimacy, you must be comfortable with yourself as well as your mate.  The foundation for this is trust.  When a person is dear to you, you spend time with them and cherish them.  You share many conversations and experiences together. Trust is earned over time, but can be destroyed in a moment.

Honesty builds trust and requires vulnerability.  If you can’t be yourself with the person you spend the most time with, you lose sight of who you really are become a “people-pleaser.”

When you try to be somebody you are not in order to please somebody else, you will not gain their trust, but lose it. They can see through the charade and recognize your pretense and they will not be willing to be open and vulnerable to you.

Nobody wants to play games, yet that’s what many couples are doing.  Rather than taking time to listen with the intent of understanding, some only listen with the intent of fixing their spouse or persuading them to conform to an unspoken standard.

You must not expect your mate to read your mind but just tell them how you honestly feel.  You have to take responsibility for your own emotions and not blame your negative feelings on others.

And you then must do the same and give you spouse permission to be honest. When you stop expecting your mate to be somebody they are not and loving them just for the person they already are, you learn the art of considering others’ needs above your own.  When each of you is seeking the others’ well-being, both of your needs will be met.

When you begin to acknowledge your differences as a benefit, rather than an obstacle to overcome, you begin to thrive in a unified way and are stronger and better for it. 

That is the goal of intimacy and the tried and true means are: (Oh, wait, I mean…the new and sexy ways are:)

AWARENESS

TRUST

VULNERABILITY

 

 

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What the Bible Says About Sex

Sex forbidden in the Bible

We live in an era where pornography is the largest money-making industry on the Internet, pulling in billions of dollars per year, even during economic slumps. 

You can’t watch prime-time TV without seeing two men in bed together.  Thirteen year-old kids have been arrested for exchanging nude photos of themselves over their cell phones.  Unhealthy messages about sex are portrayed just about everywhere.

The enemy has always attempted to pervert God’s gift with many forms of counterfeits.  The evidence can be seen in our culture that is more sex-crazed than ever. 

While the world is constantly flashing sexual cues to confuse our understanding of the proper use of sex, God’s will for sex is revealed in God’s word.

“For love is as strong as death, jealousy is as cruel as the grave;
its flames are flames of fire, the very flame of the LORD.” 
- Song of Solomon 8:6 -

  • Sex is a divine gift given by God to husbands and wives. 
  • Sex is one of the foundation stones for them to become one flesh for a lifetime. 
  • Sex is appropriate in the bond of marriage, but even so, there are boundaries. 
  • God intended everything about marriage to be permanent, protected and pure.
  • God never meant for His children to conform to the culture. 
  • God gives very clear principles and instructions about human sexuality in the Bible.

FORBIDDEN SEX
[Read more...]

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Faith in the Wake of Pornography


faith during trials

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It was starting to drizzle outside on a dark April day.  The heavy clouds could no longer contain their burden and they began to weep.

My husband had just begun his jail sentence that day and my tears mingled with the raindrops on my face.  I looked to the sky and saw nothing but dense gray clouds.  Their weight pressed down on me and magnified the sorrow.

  • I wondered if my husband would return a changed man.
  • I wondered if he really loved me or not.
  • I wondered if I had really forgiven him or not.
  • I wondered if I could ever trust him again.
  • I wondered if the heartache would ever heal.
  • I wondered where God was when I felt so alone.

I sat on the porch to get out of the rain.  My eye caught something fluttering on a bush nearby. I wiped my tears and tried to focus. [Read more...]

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God Cares How Pornography Affects You


Jesus Cares How Pornography Affects You

The undercover cops had just revealed my husband’s illegal use of Internet pornography and as my husband was being hauled off to jail, I slunk to the bathroom and tried to hold back the revulsion.

I soon began to heave uncontrollably with a combination of disgust and fear that cannot be defined. My body detested this news and could not contain the repugnance.

My body was suffering from shock.

My heart was tormented with terror.

I was stricken with such deep distress and I was too surprised to be outraged. I had never felt so betrayed or alone in my life. My mind could not settle on the reality of the situation.  [Read more...]

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The Truth About Your Husband’s Pornography Addiction

 

pornography is counterfeit

 

He was in church every Sunday and Wednesday, teaching all the young kids about God.

He read his Bible every morning and prayed with his wife every evening.

He was teaching his kids daily about the importance of having a relationship with Jesus Christ and how to walk with Him.

He was in a position of authority at work and well thought of in the community.

All of the above statements were true about my husband.

But I was not aware of the following truths:  [Read more...]

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Whose Fault When Men View Pornography?

 

When wives discover their spouse is involved in pornography, they too often have a tendency to blame themselves.

The “never good enough” monster that dwells within the hurting heart rears its ugly head and screams, “It’s your fault!”

You are not “fun” enough.
You are not “erotic” enough.
You are not “sexy” enough.
You are not “adventurous” enough.
You are not “attractive” enough.
You are not “thin” enough.
You are not “smart” enough.

You must totally destroy that monster and if you succeed, the world will begin its noisy attack that somebody must be blamed.

This video will expose some of the most common blame-shifting falsehoods the so-called “sex-addiction experts” encourage and promote. 

The porn addict himself is a “sex-addiction expert” so I hope this puts you on guard to some of excuses you may encounter, and see them for what they are: lies.

Don’t accept these fraudulent myths as valid motives for viewing pornography.  You must reject deceit and require full accountability from the offender.  Until he’s willing to accept responsibility for his sinful actions, he will remain in bondage to deception.

One of the most selfish lies a man tries to use when his secret is exposed, is that he loves his wife too much to hurt her by telling her about his problem.

A man sells out his soul, as well as his family’s lives, and tries to hide behind the mask of love.  Love has nothing to do with it.

Love does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth.

1 Corinthians 13:6

How have you been lied to?  Answer in the comments area below.

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